Stitch me up WHHHEEEEE

Yes dear reader, I have 5 stitches. I have realized lately how blessed I truly am. A lot of moms say "I would take {insert illness/disease/pain/etc} from my child in a second if God would let me." I get to. Or at least I hope so. This thing I have seems to be idiopathic so far and God willing, I will be the only one in this family who is afflicted with it. I will take that hit for my child. As the doctor plunged the needle repeatedly into my head (15 times) and I squeezed Regina Phalanges hand until it was it was the lovely shade of eggplant, I was thinking, "at least this isn't Howit". It literally could be so much worse. The doctor said "I have to cut some hair away" "I don't care-I'm not one of those girls-it will grow back-hair does that" And if it didn't OH WELL!! My hair is dark and the way I (and I will use this term very loosely) 'style' it you wouldn't know if you didn't know. Well, a nice bump is forming and somehow I have a bruise on my left arm and the head lac is on the right side of my head-HUH? What did I hit my head on? Either the drawers at work or the shredding box-the latter is the best guess-it's a big heavy piece of cabinetry. The doc I work for came to my immediate aid and I said "i'm ok" and she said "no, you're bleeding" OH-haven't done that before. Head through walls, fallen on dishwashers, fell into fireplaces, sprained arms, lots of bumps, lots of bruises, no blood. 6 years-bound to happen. So to urgent care we went. My girls rock. To my side they rush, they keep my spirits up and how do you continually thank people that continually are at your side? I feel like I owe them my first born or something. Do I bring them lunch every week? I feel like that gets old. They say stop thanking them, but I feel indebted to them. I am so grateful to them. Reader dear Reader, you know who you are, please any idea would be great. I am sad for the fall, but for the ones who pick me up, once again, I must say, WHHHEEEEE

I'm back

Ok, so I cleaned and this is my reward. I may have Whhheeeeed about this in the past so forgive me, but I have decided something:I am ok with my kid asking for things in a store. When I was growing up, if we were in a store and dared to ask for anything my goodness the earth would open up and swallow us up right then and there. But as a female in this day and age she should know what she wants and not be afraid to ask for it. Example: grocery store "mom can I have a banana?" Who's going to say No? Or she'll ask for grapes or berries or even a can of green beans or corn! Sometimes she'll simply notice the tall stand with all the balls "l00k sweeite-balls" "yes howit balls!" and we keep on going. How will she ever get what she wants if she doesn't ask. To me, I've decided and discussed with honey and supergramma and BNE (since they are her other caregivers and take her to stores to run errands) that she can ask all she wants=it's how she handles the NO that's important. She needs to be able to handle it without melting down-so far, so good. I/we can usually say no if needed and move on. If we get a 'why', I/we've been able to use 'It's too expensive, it's for a 5 year old, I already bought you {whatever} today.' And she says "oh, ok" and we move on. If needed, I ask why she wants it. I've had to ask her twice if she thinks pouting will get her what she wants and she said yes I told her it won't so she stopped. Talking to them works. I really try to remember as best I can what I felt like at that age and what my feeling was and why I may have wanted something. She just sees it all and wants it all. Ok, fine. If we're shopping for a gift for someone else, she isn't allowed to get something for herself. It's about them, not her. But I do let her shop for the gift-what fun that is. I really think letting her ask and handle the disappointment will serve her well later. I don't handle disappointment well. I don't know how to ask for what I want. I'm just now learning how to do it. If she can start to learn at 3-I may be on to something here.
Nature versus nurture:I always thought a lot of kids behaviors are learned. I am superultrablessed in that my daughter does not attented day care while I work. Before supergramma comes in the afternoon, BNE watch her for about 4 1/2 hours 2-3 days a week (yes we pay her). But she is not regularly around other children. She has MEL who just spent the night and BNE grandson and her have a blast together about once a month when he comes to visit. Today I heard howit say "I'm gonna tell" Where did that come from? How do you learn to tattle if you're an only child? I guess a lot of these early things kids do, kids do no matter what and will do it's a developmental thing? Howit doesn't throw a fit when I/we tell her no at the store. I/we reason with her and can walk a way. She has tried to throw 3 tantrums here at the house with me. She layed in the hallway. Flung her arms and legs out. I looked down at her, smiled and, laughed and said "good luck with that", each time before I walked off. They each lasted about 15 seconds. So she knows crying and carrying on in the store isn't good. And she knows the difference between a baby crying and a child throwing a fit. We've talked about it. I guess it's all nature taking it's course, and we're supposed to nurture the proper behaviors? Wow how insightful. I can be so deep...WHHHEEEEE :)

Note to self

I need to be responsible and take advanatage of the play date I intentionally set up so I could clean. However, I also want to remember this topic I want/need to write about:what my daughter has taught me. so many things, but Man have I been wrong about a lot when it comes to nature versus nurture and I find it interesting. But I am going to be responsible and do the dreaded cleaning since I get a Wednesday off-yes I am working them now, but it's Spring Break here in Cali and the doc is gone with her fam and tomorrow we work a full day to make up for it. Oh the horror! lol GO SPRING BREAK WHHHEEEEE

Depressing Whhheeeee

I suppose the fairytale has to end at some point and some day you must learn who these people are who you call 'parents'. It's sad when you learn that while yes they love you and you love them, and they've always had your best interest at heart, one of them is really messed up. My father is an emotional bully and the ramifications of having to deal with this is going to take it's toll soon and I don't want that to hit me yet. Wow. When my mom left him one week after me and the good twin (yes, I'm actually a twin, and there is a 'good one') graduated, our immature selves judged her. What did we know of life and relationships yet? We were 18 for crying out loud! Knowing what I know now will put more into perspective and the waves are going to start to crash over me and I'm going to get knocked on my tukus pretty soon. My dad likes to 'save' people. At least I come by it honestly. At least I know when to walk away-HA-growth!! He is very generous and kind-he isn't evil like I am (lol). But when a conversation is not going his way, he will try to 'beat' you down until you give in, or say uncle or apologize or say he's right. I wouldn't do it. HA HA. I stayed calm, even toned in my voice (as much as I could with a voice that vibrates every other minute) and didn't let him rattle me. In almost 33 years, that was my first experience. I don't want another one. I feel for my mother, and a child should not know the inner workings of a bad marriage, and I'm sad that I do, because she has tried to shield me from it. She tried to rise above it and not let me see my dad through her eyes. I have my own eyes on him and it's very sad. And it went on for 45 minutes. It was a miracle I didn't hang up on him at least 3 times. Not out of anger so much, but more of disgust and fedupedness (it's a word for tired mommies) I give supergramma mad props and my dad not so much. I won't even say what it's regarding right now because the point really is that he tried to 'beat down' his own child. Dear reader, please don't do this. It does not make for a very good WHHHEEEEE

Montel and MIchael WHHHEEEEE

I can in no way shape or form compare my medical conditions to Montel Williams or Michael J. Fox. They were both on Oprah recently and I find myself connected to these actors in a way probably only they would understand (they or anyone else struck by something 'incurable'). They were so humble and humbling and I thought it so brave for two men to come on Oprah and bare their souls so to speak about their lives and what they live with everyday. I am not stupid. There are people everywhere living with medical conditions. The range of treatableness, pain, and all that are different because no person is the same. It is how we choose to handle it that can help determine how we will survive. Montel sat up there and cried. Hard to watch, and I completely got it. Michael said "vanity is the first thing to go" oh is he ever right. They both had so much to say to me, that I felt like they were looking at me and saying "you're doing ok, we get it, and you get it, and it's hard, but we understand. Doctors won't always get it, but you are handling yourself very well-good for you."
I think given what I have been given, I am handling myself well. I want all my reader (lol) to be able to at least see the show with MJF on it. He was so real, so true to himself, by being real about what's happening to him. I know this epilepsy won't kill me as one doctor put it. But the day to day is scary and I do get my brave moments. And I do get my moments of extreme fear and I just want to be left alone. I have been so held up by so many, that I know it's one of the reasons I haven't fallen into despair about this very strange thing that has taken over my body. Many a day I could have laid in bed and said 'why oh why' and I know I have asked once or twice. But I have kept on living. I have a beautiful howit for crying out loud. I have my job and friends. And that honey of mine-you know in SICKNESS and in health. Boy is he doing good with that! I try to ask "why not me?" instead. It really could be so much worse. Would I rather have a worse condition or an actual disease? I still have a job-the list could go on.
I guess what I am trying to say in a very ladylike way is count your blessings. In the end, you might be able to say...WHHHEEEEE

sad WHHHEEEEE

I just can't do it. I must need divine intervention or something because try as I may, one minute I can be nice to DW and the next I want to throttle her and am sssshhhing her like she's my 3 year old. (DW is soooooooooo verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy loooooouuuuuuuudddddddd, and does not have a mute button. She thinks people like it. She is wrong.) I actually ssshhhed her yesterday. She was placing a take out order on the phone yesterday (should we be doing that if we're going to be homeless soon? so very judgy I am) She was 5 feet from me and I could not hear honey on the other end of the phone I was on because she was so loud. I know where she was calling is a busy place, but THERE ARE 9 OTHER PHONES IN THE OFFICE AND IT'S MY FRONT DESK AND I WAS ON THE PHONE FIRST!!! Sorry. It's incredibly frustrating because I feel that I take advantage of her usually good work ethic and she tries very hard to help me (I try hard to help her when I can/when appropriate). But she has taken such incredible advantage of me financially that I can't take it sometimes. And she is so very brazen and blatent. She literally cried poor to her boss to get more hours and 3 day later got her hair done (yes she's the one I blogged about last time). Her finances are none of my beeswax, but come on lady!!! Wake up and smell the eviction. You have a child who is less than a year old. Is the take out worth it? Is the hair worth it? Wouldn't your child prefer a mommy who went to supercuts versus a mommy who lost their home for great hair? UGH
very sad whhheeeee