one WHHEEEEEK to go.....

The ominous countdown begins:Our office goes live in one week with implementing the new system. Ominous? WE'RE NOT READY AND OUR PARTY GOT CANCELLED :( Yes I'm pouting because we have to be adults and put work ahead of everything else since no one else did. Dummies. We've been patiently waiting to get our groove on and now we have to stay tomorrow to cram for next week. BAHLARNEY (honey's favorite cuss word around howit) My new favorite is REDONKULOUS. The "nk" gives it the umph you need sometimes! Anywhoo, we were going to have an end of allergy season/get ready for the next chapter party for our office just us girls and now it's off. GGRRRRRRRRR It was going to be an upptiy-up redneck drinking party (hummus, falafel, mcnuggets and french fries!) With Cowgirl Quenchers Yummy!
And in unrelated matters, why do friends think they can screw you over financially? Why is this OK? Why are honey and I seemingly easy targets? We're nice, take our cash? BAHLARNEY! BRO may have taken him for a ride and not in a good way and 20ish years of friendship should have more respect than that. Friendship should have more respect than that. Not cool. He's screwed me over in the past. I hate being jaded towards people, especially about money. UGH. NOT COOL.
Time for chores. I thought being a grown up there wouldn't be chores anymore-shouldn't I at least get a pay increase? HELLO?????? Is there a manager I could talk to about this? Wish me WHHHEEEEE

Push my buttons

All at the push of a button! Boy can the push of a button make or break somebody!! It made honey, howit and I lose medical benefits for the weekend-not our fault-we're all good-somebody pushed the wrong button. Push the wrong button and you can delete a whole hour's/day's/week's worth of work, right? I know you can always save it, but you have to push a button for it, am I right? Push the CORRECT buttons and things run smoothly. Why, we may not be in such turmoil as a nation. Pick up the phone, PUSH A BUTTON and call somebody to communicate something and quick simple little things might stay quick simple little things. All at the push of a button (or seven?)
Yes I'm going through very hard times right now at work and I'm still loving the best job ever but if the boss can't figure out how to push a button to communicate why the frick is she the boss? I don't begrudge her her position-I don't want it. BUT COMMUNICATION is key. DELEGATE COMMUNICATE PRIORITIZE. Nobody is perfect, and I certainly don't want her to be, but I am so frustrated with the lack of communication UGH!! My BNE pointed out a very positive thing to me though:if I see it, so do the powers that be. They aren't blind. They just aren't vocal. Ok, seems reasonable enough. I can be vocal enough for all. Ready? WHHHEEEEE

WHHEEEKEND

Why on Earth would I put myself voluntarily through 48 hours of little girl sleepover fun/torture? See the the word you use depends on who you talk to. The girls involved had fun. My husband waffled back and forth although torture would probably be too strong a word for him. He was gone for most of it, but he did get the first 6 hours of it alone with them (hee hee). He had to spend maybe 10 awake hours with them at most. Between work and sleep and the time he spent at BRO's house. Anywho, Regina Phalange would most likely consider it close to torture, even though one of the girls was MEL, her daughter. We've done this sleepover thing before, never for this length, though. Having the only child, it facinates me to hear the dialogue between the two, the rationale, the tattling, the jealoulsy, the fighting over miniscule, the "I get this" like they are calling shotgun or something when I offer up some treat. I've told them they have to share EVERYTHING and the first one to say 'I get this' doesn't get it. Don't be greedy, be thankful. Don't be sneaky, just ask me-I'll probaby say yes. And if I say no, I probably have a good reason. But these happen so few and far between, they are pretty much a free for all as long as they are reasonable in their requests. I don't offer up anything usually, but when they ask, I normally say yes.
But this is a 3 day weekend where I had no obligations to anyone. Why not enjoy the peace and quiet. I've had a horrible time at work lately. Can we say STRESSFUL? And it's only about to get magnificently worse in coming months. My head is still recovering from these stitches that are out, but it's tender and hello I still have epilepsy-still living with it every day!
Well, that's kinda the point. Howit shouldn't suffer because I am. Her life should be as normal as possible, even if mine can't be as normal as I want. I has to ask Supergramma to take her clothes shopping for me because I can't physically do it safely (she was happy to oblige-who doesn't love dressing a little girl?) But I WANT my howit to enjoy all the happys I did as a kid, even if she is younger than I was when she starts. I doubt I was 3 when I had my first sleepover, but I want to remember that she got to do it. Let's face it, these meds are messing with me. I'm not dying over here, but my brain is on the messed up side and I've got to take meds to correct it. Guess what. They mess with you more. There are times I cannot put a coherent sentence together and I don't know if it's me or the meds. I really think I know what I want to say-in my head, it sounds GREAT..I think. I just want Howit to know the joys of being a little girl and if it leaves a complete tornado of destruction in her wake well I will be the dictator when necessary and get it cleaned up. (so NOT the fun part-I had to be such a witchypoo today-oh well) I hope that Regina Phalagnge, Honey, and even Supergramma (who knew the girls were having the sleepover) will remind them of this time should I ever not be around to do so. Regina Phalange stated up front she would never reciprocate and I FULLY AND COMPLETELY understand why. If I wasn't completely delusional, I wouldn't do it either. But I even think Honey is understanding the importance of it, too. MEL, Howit, group hug and WHHHEEEEE

RANTING WHHHEEEEE

Ok, reader, settle in for one of those WHHHEEEEE's. I have something to say and get some popcorn if you want to continue on. YOU have been warned.
Oprah had a show on Friday about a so called taboo subject "social classes" and how they have changed with the economy decline. First a sidebar about how a woman pissed me off with her ignorant comment: she said something to the effect of a lower class person was a waitress or a person in the service industry. EXCUSE ME??? A waitress may not be a profession, but it's a great way to make bank if you're great at it (which I was-hello house and car!!) and if it ends up being your profession good for you! People gotta eat! This is where I insert expletive to the ignorant. Maybe she has only bad service, but servers are not lower class. I think she is for saying it.
Which brings be to my Whhheeeee for the day. I'll start off with I did not see the whole thing. That may not give me the right to rant. I still think I can. This recession sucks. Majorly. Which is why I took more hours at work. If you can get more hours in these times DO IT! I for one have never cared about what I have other than a roof over my head, and a means to transport myself to work, and clothes to wear to work. What kind of roof? One that doesn't leak is good. What kind of transportation? one that works. What kind of clothes? they like us to wear scrubs. Brand names don't matter. I love that I still have a job. I love my family. I'm grateful we haven't lost our house, and that we can put food on our table, and that we can keep the lights on too. Before I got this job, I didn't work for 18 months. I was disabled and they were trying to figure out and eventually came to the diagnosis of epilepsy. Can't waitress with epilepsy. We went through our own mini recession here in our house and had to scale back and do without. I got state disability for one year, and for 6 months, nothing. I don't even know how we survived, but we did. WITHOUT losing our house. WITHOUT going into massive debt.
I don't believe that only money and school degrees should be the defining measures of social classes. How do you handle yourself in times of financial crisis? Do you walk away from it all because you tried everything and it just won't work? Good for you for knowing when to quit. Do you try to sell or go for a short sale so the bank gets SOMETHING? and you can walk away with some dignity too? Even better! Do you file for bankruptcy? Bankrupt your home business a year into it, after deciding to have a child? Then decide to forclose on your house too? And when the bank says it's ok, we'll work with you so you can stay in your house you say 'no it's too much paperwork-it will be easier to move' and then decide to get a new laptop??
This to me is the definition of low class. Not a waitress, or a person in the service industry. The people who buy and buy, decide to bankrupt so somewhere down the line people get laid off. And these people still have jobs. And these people who still have jobs keep buying and living for free till the forclosure goes through. Low class. It has nothing to do with money. It's about attitude and entitlement. And it stinks. And to that I give a big fat expletive WHHHEEEEE

Count your WHHHEEEEE's

It's a little late, but I'm a mom, so it's to be expected, right?
Everyone counts their blessings or gives thanks around the 'major holidays' in the fall. Well reader, I'm here to change all that. I am all about counting blessings and giving thanks and while mother's day isn't a major holiday it certainly should be about giving thanks. I'm not looking for a big gift or a certificate or even a 'day off' (those don't come often enough, do they?) Who can afford any of that these days anyhow? I know you're thinking 'her meds have kicked in and she's having delusions-motherhood is a thankless job' From young children it is, yes. HOWEVER! (got your attention didn't I!) It isn't for us grown ups. We could thank our fellow mothers for what they do for us. We could thank our own mothers for what they did (or say a silent prayer to HIM for what they didn't) teach us. We could thank our neighbors who watched them in a pinch or who ever you might think be in need of thanks because her family ain't cuttin' it, call her, write her, email her, face book her, blog about her, something. It goes something like this:
I am so blessed to be the position I am in, in my family-between the one who taught and the one who gets to be taught. Supergramma did an amazing job raising 3 children (I am a twin) and Howit is the first grandchild. I love watching them delight in each other. While no family likes to be afflicted with any burden, I am in a unique position because of the support I have. I have honey, who I am very grateful for, but the women surrounding me are always there when I need them. I get to take this burden and hopefully shoulder it for my family and that gives Supergramma even more time with Howit, and gives her another chance at doing more fun things with her. And the BNE get huge thanks for all they do. They are amazing with Howit and I had Howit make her a gift for mother's day. I also gave some nifty smelling body cream. She said it was exactly what she needed in the moment. She prayed for something anything and then here we come around the corner with a very small gesture and her day is brightened and spirits are lifted. It doesn't take much. Regina Phalange is my BEFF at work and her hubby is in another country right now for work for 30 days. I brought her dinner. Small gesture, but the little things she does for me, like hold my hand while I get 15 shots in my head-I'm grateful to her. I love her dearly and she deserves mad props for lifting my sorry butt off the ground-literally. Banana and Ladidadi make me smile with simple I love you's every day. We make each other laugh everyday. Respectively they are the oldest and youngest members of the office and we still mesh well. WE can even make our hands laugh, and for this, I'm grateful. I have to carry a magnet in my pocket every day to make my device work and we discovered paperclips stick to it-they think it's funny to throw them at me-you gotta laugh at yourself sometimes. Ross is simply Ross and always makes sure I'm well cared for. She always makes sure I have plans for my birthday and makes sure I get a card because honey hasn't always produced well in that department. It's gotten better after 15 years of practice. And he's not a mother, and we need a majot heart to heart , but I must send a WHHHEEEEE out to BRO I don't know what he said or did, but I so seriously in a completely non offensive non sexual platonic way love him that I want to hug him in the way we do. It's been 15 years, we can do that it's really ok.
I'm just very grateful because my life could be so much worse. I have to repeat this to myself when I get down. Apparently there are 11 antiepileptic drugs that can make you suicidal. I take 3 of them. Didn't we already discuss this? Anyway, I know people out there suffer from things far more deadly and even more destructive than what I have. And I don't make light of what I have. This is freaking frustrating. I dont' want it. I still try to figure out when how but not why. But when people come into my office and say there husband/wife just got laid off, I remember how blessed I am to only have epilepsy. ONLY. WHHHEEEEE

Long time, no WHHHEEEEE

My how time can fly! But is anybody reading this anyway? My mind needs to blog, but honey has moved the computer so it now shares the tv and I used to blog when honey and howit were watching something I didn't care to see. Oh well, life moves on.
The stitches are out. I saw my doc yesterday and am still trying to digest it all (neuro doc). She is going to aggresively treat me because she knows she can trust me and she gave me the long term goals and short term plans to meet those goals. She looked like she wanted to cry the whole time. I feel so bad for being so complicated. She is so amazing for not ever giving up, for being so supportive. I can email her ANYTIME, call whenever, she fits me in whenever, she gives up new patients to see me. As a person who schedules people and has to do the same for complicated cases, I know what that means. We have a seclect group of patients in our pratice for each doctor that are complicated that we fit in no matter what, so for her, that's me. I feel so special. No, it's not really good. You don't want to be that patient. It's nice to be so well taken care of. It sucks to have to be so well taken care of. But having good care is important so let's look at the bright side and whhheeeee. For my birthday, my work girlies got me a book on epilepsy (regina phalange paid attention) that I hinted (ok asked) for. It's so detailed it's depressing and informative all at once. Holy cow, this is me. Holy {expletive} this is me! Who knew? Have you heard the song "You're gonna miss this?" It's a country song and I don't know who sings it and it's so true. I remember all the times it's talking about and now that I'm living it, I know for sure, I want to tell my daughter to savor every blessed moment because time flies and you will miss the carefree days of youth. I'm rambling and jumping but not really. I'm not dying of cancer, but when you are faced with something 'incurable' that you will have to manage for the rest of your life and that your doctor is trying to figure out how to make better and that it will get worse before it gets better, you just reflect and get rambly. Oh and 3 of my meds can give me suicidal tendacies. Boy could my twisted side have fun with that. LOL JUST KIDDING THAT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY I KNOW BAD JOKE There are 11 drugs on the list , and I take 3 of them together. And I am not even depressed. I think it's ironic because the study happened to come out on Tuesday and since then everyone has been asking me 'HOW ARE YOU" but no one has said why. Now I know. If anyone tells my father about this, I will however, become homicidal! not joking at all.
Well reader, if you are out there, thanks and if not, that's ok, this is very therapuetic for me and I appreciate the opportunity to make me feel better about me. ANd once again, to all my girlies, WHHHEEEEE

Stitch me up WHHHEEEEE

Yes dear reader, I have 5 stitches. I have realized lately how blessed I truly am. A lot of moms say "I would take {insert illness/disease/pain/etc} from my child in a second if God would let me." I get to. Or at least I hope so. This thing I have seems to be idiopathic so far and God willing, I will be the only one in this family who is afflicted with it. I will take that hit for my child. As the doctor plunged the needle repeatedly into my head (15 times) and I squeezed Regina Phalanges hand until it was it was the lovely shade of eggplant, I was thinking, "at least this isn't Howit". It literally could be so much worse. The doctor said "I have to cut some hair away" "I don't care-I'm not one of those girls-it will grow back-hair does that" And if it didn't OH WELL!! My hair is dark and the way I (and I will use this term very loosely) 'style' it you wouldn't know if you didn't know. Well, a nice bump is forming and somehow I have a bruise on my left arm and the head lac is on the right side of my head-HUH? What did I hit my head on? Either the drawers at work or the shredding box-the latter is the best guess-it's a big heavy piece of cabinetry. The doc I work for came to my immediate aid and I said "i'm ok" and she said "no, you're bleeding" OH-haven't done that before. Head through walls, fallen on dishwashers, fell into fireplaces, sprained arms, lots of bumps, lots of bruises, no blood. 6 years-bound to happen. So to urgent care we went. My girls rock. To my side they rush, they keep my spirits up and how do you continually thank people that continually are at your side? I feel like I owe them my first born or something. Do I bring them lunch every week? I feel like that gets old. They say stop thanking them, but I feel indebted to them. I am so grateful to them. Reader dear Reader, you know who you are, please any idea would be great. I am sad for the fall, but for the ones who pick me up, once again, I must say, WHHHEEEEE

I'm back

Ok, so I cleaned and this is my reward. I may have Whhheeeeed about this in the past so forgive me, but I have decided something:I am ok with my kid asking for things in a store. When I was growing up, if we were in a store and dared to ask for anything my goodness the earth would open up and swallow us up right then and there. But as a female in this day and age she should know what she wants and not be afraid to ask for it. Example: grocery store "mom can I have a banana?" Who's going to say No? Or she'll ask for grapes or berries or even a can of green beans or corn! Sometimes she'll simply notice the tall stand with all the balls "l00k sweeite-balls" "yes howit balls!" and we keep on going. How will she ever get what she wants if she doesn't ask. To me, I've decided and discussed with honey and supergramma and BNE (since they are her other caregivers and take her to stores to run errands) that she can ask all she wants=it's how she handles the NO that's important. She needs to be able to handle it without melting down-so far, so good. I/we can usually say no if needed and move on. If we get a 'why', I/we've been able to use 'It's too expensive, it's for a 5 year old, I already bought you {whatever} today.' And she says "oh, ok" and we move on. If needed, I ask why she wants it. I've had to ask her twice if she thinks pouting will get her what she wants and she said yes I told her it won't so she stopped. Talking to them works. I really try to remember as best I can what I felt like at that age and what my feeling was and why I may have wanted something. She just sees it all and wants it all. Ok, fine. If we're shopping for a gift for someone else, she isn't allowed to get something for herself. It's about them, not her. But I do let her shop for the gift-what fun that is. I really think letting her ask and handle the disappointment will serve her well later. I don't handle disappointment well. I don't know how to ask for what I want. I'm just now learning how to do it. If she can start to learn at 3-I may be on to something here.
Nature versus nurture:I always thought a lot of kids behaviors are learned. I am superultrablessed in that my daughter does not attented day care while I work. Before supergramma comes in the afternoon, BNE watch her for about 4 1/2 hours 2-3 days a week (yes we pay her). But she is not regularly around other children. She has MEL who just spent the night and BNE grandson and her have a blast together about once a month when he comes to visit. Today I heard howit say "I'm gonna tell" Where did that come from? How do you learn to tattle if you're an only child? I guess a lot of these early things kids do, kids do no matter what and will do it's a developmental thing? Howit doesn't throw a fit when I/we tell her no at the store. I/we reason with her and can walk a way. She has tried to throw 3 tantrums here at the house with me. She layed in the hallway. Flung her arms and legs out. I looked down at her, smiled and, laughed and said "good luck with that", each time before I walked off. They each lasted about 15 seconds. So she knows crying and carrying on in the store isn't good. And she knows the difference between a baby crying and a child throwing a fit. We've talked about it. I guess it's all nature taking it's course, and we're supposed to nurture the proper behaviors? Wow how insightful. I can be so deep...WHHHEEEEE :)

Note to self

I need to be responsible and take advanatage of the play date I intentionally set up so I could clean. However, I also want to remember this topic I want/need to write about:what my daughter has taught me. so many things, but Man have I been wrong about a lot when it comes to nature versus nurture and I find it interesting. But I am going to be responsible and do the dreaded cleaning since I get a Wednesday off-yes I am working them now, but it's Spring Break here in Cali and the doc is gone with her fam and tomorrow we work a full day to make up for it. Oh the horror! lol GO SPRING BREAK WHHHEEEEE

Depressing Whhheeeee

I suppose the fairytale has to end at some point and some day you must learn who these people are who you call 'parents'. It's sad when you learn that while yes they love you and you love them, and they've always had your best interest at heart, one of them is really messed up. My father is an emotional bully and the ramifications of having to deal with this is going to take it's toll soon and I don't want that to hit me yet. Wow. When my mom left him one week after me and the good twin (yes, I'm actually a twin, and there is a 'good one') graduated, our immature selves judged her. What did we know of life and relationships yet? We were 18 for crying out loud! Knowing what I know now will put more into perspective and the waves are going to start to crash over me and I'm going to get knocked on my tukus pretty soon. My dad likes to 'save' people. At least I come by it honestly. At least I know when to walk away-HA-growth!! He is very generous and kind-he isn't evil like I am (lol). But when a conversation is not going his way, he will try to 'beat' you down until you give in, or say uncle or apologize or say he's right. I wouldn't do it. HA HA. I stayed calm, even toned in my voice (as much as I could with a voice that vibrates every other minute) and didn't let him rattle me. In almost 33 years, that was my first experience. I don't want another one. I feel for my mother, and a child should not know the inner workings of a bad marriage, and I'm sad that I do, because she has tried to shield me from it. She tried to rise above it and not let me see my dad through her eyes. I have my own eyes on him and it's very sad. And it went on for 45 minutes. It was a miracle I didn't hang up on him at least 3 times. Not out of anger so much, but more of disgust and fedupedness (it's a word for tired mommies) I give supergramma mad props and my dad not so much. I won't even say what it's regarding right now because the point really is that he tried to 'beat down' his own child. Dear reader, please don't do this. It does not make for a very good WHHHEEEEE

Montel and MIchael WHHHEEEEE

I can in no way shape or form compare my medical conditions to Montel Williams or Michael J. Fox. They were both on Oprah recently and I find myself connected to these actors in a way probably only they would understand (they or anyone else struck by something 'incurable'). They were so humble and humbling and I thought it so brave for two men to come on Oprah and bare their souls so to speak about their lives and what they live with everyday. I am not stupid. There are people everywhere living with medical conditions. The range of treatableness, pain, and all that are different because no person is the same. It is how we choose to handle it that can help determine how we will survive. Montel sat up there and cried. Hard to watch, and I completely got it. Michael said "vanity is the first thing to go" oh is he ever right. They both had so much to say to me, that I felt like they were looking at me and saying "you're doing ok, we get it, and you get it, and it's hard, but we understand. Doctors won't always get it, but you are handling yourself very well-good for you."
I think given what I have been given, I am handling myself well. I want all my reader (lol) to be able to at least see the show with MJF on it. He was so real, so true to himself, by being real about what's happening to him. I know this epilepsy won't kill me as one doctor put it. But the day to day is scary and I do get my brave moments. And I do get my moments of extreme fear and I just want to be left alone. I have been so held up by so many, that I know it's one of the reasons I haven't fallen into despair about this very strange thing that has taken over my body. Many a day I could have laid in bed and said 'why oh why' and I know I have asked once or twice. But I have kept on living. I have a beautiful howit for crying out loud. I have my job and friends. And that honey of mine-you know in SICKNESS and in health. Boy is he doing good with that! I try to ask "why not me?" instead. It really could be so much worse. Would I rather have a worse condition or an actual disease? I still have a job-the list could go on.
I guess what I am trying to say in a very ladylike way is count your blessings. In the end, you might be able to say...WHHHEEEEE

sad WHHHEEEEE

I just can't do it. I must need divine intervention or something because try as I may, one minute I can be nice to DW and the next I want to throttle her and am sssshhhing her like she's my 3 year old. (DW is soooooooooo verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy loooooouuuuuuuudddddddd, and does not have a mute button. She thinks people like it. She is wrong.) I actually ssshhhed her yesterday. She was placing a take out order on the phone yesterday (should we be doing that if we're going to be homeless soon? so very judgy I am) She was 5 feet from me and I could not hear honey on the other end of the phone I was on because she was so loud. I know where she was calling is a busy place, but THERE ARE 9 OTHER PHONES IN THE OFFICE AND IT'S MY FRONT DESK AND I WAS ON THE PHONE FIRST!!! Sorry. It's incredibly frustrating because I feel that I take advantage of her usually good work ethic and she tries very hard to help me (I try hard to help her when I can/when appropriate). But she has taken such incredible advantage of me financially that I can't take it sometimes. And she is so very brazen and blatent. She literally cried poor to her boss to get more hours and 3 day later got her hair done (yes she's the one I blogged about last time). Her finances are none of my beeswax, but come on lady!!! Wake up and smell the eviction. You have a child who is less than a year old. Is the take out worth it? Is the hair worth it? Wouldn't your child prefer a mommy who went to supercuts versus a mommy who lost their home for great hair? UGH
very sad whhheeeee

What the WHHHEEEEE?

I just don't get some people. I'm sure some (if anyone really does read this) will judge me for being judgy, but if you won't have a roof, why are spending a benjamin getting your hair done? NOT THE PROPER USE OF FUNDS PEOPLE. I will admit I have splurged where inappropriate at times, but not to that extent.

On another note, I won, I won, I won!! Thank you HRH!!! I won a set of scent diffusers in a blog giveaway. As stated before, unless I get some followers, I don't see the need/don't have the desire to give away anything on my birthday. But minds change. We'll have to see. I am honored, my friend, and I can't wait to stink up my house good. :)
WHHHEEEEE

MAD PROPS WHHHEEEEE

I must give a quick shout out to my ladies once again for coming through for me.
I actually wanted to break down in tears at work for the first time at work in at least 2 years and my ladies held me together, stepped in, rose to the challenge and lifted me up. They are my heroes and I think they are looking for another lunch! lol
I love them dearly and Regina, Ladidadi, Banana, and I believe I've called the other one by another name but from here on out will be known as DW, thank you for being there in my hour of need. For holding me up, for holding my hand (literally), for letting me scream, for letting me walk away, for understanding the look of despair on my face and just doing what had to be done. Thank you, and to you I say WHHHEEEEE

HRH WHHHEEEEE

I have NEVER done this before, but what the heck!

My dear friend who I have known since high school (whee?) her birthday is today and she is having a giveaway-apparently it's the thing to do on a blog (I don't think that will be happening here this year unless I get some frackin followers) ANYWHO, if you go to troystweets@blogspot.com you can enter to win a set of 3 diffusers. She is giving away 2. It ends on Wednesday at noon (the 25th.) She is super cool and I've known her forever and in my opinion she will always be......FORVEVER YOUNG...WHHHEEEEE
Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday HhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,Happy birthday to you!!WHHHEEEEE

QUICK WHHHEEEEE

Can I get a 'whhheeeee' for Ross? She graduated with honors from ITT last night...WHHHEEEEE!!! I am so super proud of by bestist friend. She is so amazing and I know there are going to be excellent things in her future-there just have to be. So whoever reads this, give my girl a huge round of WHHHEEEEE-she needs all she can get :) Way to go, I am so honored to know you!
And can I get a 'whhheeeee' for howit? She had to come with me to the graduation at the last minute. What a trooper. We were gone for 10 hours (ITT is a long way from here) and then the waiting around, then the ceremony, then going to a restaurant, waiting for a table, getting served-she didn't eat for like 8 hours-this kid is amazing. No bad attitude-she trooped right along with the rest of us. I am so in love with her! She was just added enjoyment instead of stealing focus from the guest of honor. It was the first time the group had met her and they were impressed with her well behavedness (it's a word when you are as tired as I am lol)
I could rave and gush all night but that would defeat the purpose of a quick WHHHEEEEE!

TOUGH WHHHEEEEE

Well, I got 'word' my boss was on her way in today (I told you, my girls rock). I can safely say I was overtly and overly confident in my job with the old system. I knew it. I knew it well. I could do my job, I could show someone else how to do it. I had it down. Then the new system came. Nothing like something like that to knock you down a few (thousand) steps to get you feeling like you don't know squat. My whole world at work as I knew it changed. Everything I had been doing for 4 years-throw it out the window-we're starting all over. I mean patient care and customer service should stay the same if not better, but technicality wise, we're changing it ALL! SCARY. Anyway, I've been feeling on edge wondering if the powers that be in the business office hate me or whatever. I know the docs at least seem pleased with me and they have the MOST power, but the ladies who have to basically check all my work. I don't want to make their job harder. I guess someone got smart and assigned an office to each lady. I LOVE the lady I got assigned to. LOVE HER. And apparently I've been frustrating the tar out of her. I'm very approachable-I think I am anyway, so I was sad to hear I had been frustrating her for awhile, without knowing it. But my boss wanted to come out and observe me and try to figure out why I have great days and not so great days. GREAT NEWS: The not so great days aren't my fault (whhheeeee) and are fixable (whhheeeee). Too much to explain other than the system is failing to populate fields it needs to to make my lady's job eaiser. I can fix it when it doesn't and I wrote down specifically how to do it because this system is easy ( I need to tell myself that) their are just A LOT OF STEPS and it's easy to forget one.
I have loved having Wednesdays off forever. Nice break in the week. Great time off with howit. The money would also be great and in this world to get MORE hours is practically unheard of. We are going into allergy season (i.e. we are about to get our butts beat) and did I mention the money would be great? I still would have half day Thursdays and the weekend too. The person who fills in on Wednesdays is from another office. I get consistent complaints. By consistent I mean 2 or more a week ( too many in this world, too many at all-our office is better than that) and complaints of bad attitude, ineffiecient (sp?), grumpy, these are words I hear all the time. The back staff can hear worse if it isn't the same thing. I take great pride running my office and I take great pride in my work and I take great pride that my patients are happy because it ALL starts with me. I know I make the first impression. If someone is my stand-in they better have my standards!!! I asked my boss today if she would like me to work Wednesdays and I barely got 'WED' out before she said "yes". Then I said 'hypothetically, if I were getting complaints about someone would you want to know?" again, yes. I prefaced with no one likes getting their faults rubbed in their face and everyone has been under a lot of pressure. And I also said the truth: this started before the new system, it just got more consistent after it started. My boss said I'm certainly entitled to more hours; it's my office first, they took away hours a year ago by closing a half day, and if I want more, I am entitled to them in my own office. I am a HUGE believer in karma and have had a hard time with this information about this person. I don't want to take away someone elses hours; fair is fair and I was there first. I have the highest quality care for howit and she is older now-I'm not missing the big 'firsts'. There are a lot of things we want for our house. How do you get them without going down in a blaze of debt? Make more money? OK! The tough whhheeeee part is I think they may be looking for a way to let this person go, and I realize she has done it to herself, but I also can't help feeling like if I kept my mouth shut......but from the way my boss sounded, a little more documentation and that's all they need. I didn't start anything. These people are scary-they know EVERYTHING-I'm glad I do my job well and I look forward to doing it better now that I know better. I want to excel where I spend my time from home. They are paying me-they deserve my best. I don't have to work, I get to work. I like that feeling. I appreciate it. I think I appreciate it more since I couldn't work for 18 months. Finding a place like this makes you feel blessed. I know I am, and even though I have mixed feelings on some levels, ultimately, WHHHEEEEE.

Random Whhheeeee

It's been too long. I have had so many whhheeeee moments-good and bad and no time to chat. Honey and howit were ill, and the lady got it, too. Now that it's over we are starting to return to normal. The BNE took howit for the afternoon/early evening to play so honey and I got some good alone time together today. It was nice since the weather has finally been tolerable to play outside. At least when howit was ill the weather was crudy so it was a wash. But boys when they are sick....UGH...nuff said. I have had more episodes falling of late and that totally is a bad whhheeeee. Bumps, bruises, burns, oh my. My doc has changed my meds again and we'll see. She put me on the one that made me lose lots of weight quick last time, so it's a side effect I will take! I am getting more comfortable with the new system at work. Boy is it work. And I was told something that I really wanted to laugh at, but cursed at because it was so beyond ridiculous. The key players who know what it is know what I mean (they heard the cursing), and the rest of you, just know it has to do with $ and I shouldn't discuss it. Sorry :( But it's been noted for future reference just in case. I've said it before and I'll say it some more, my peeps at work totally rock and I can't wait to thank them. I am preparing lunch and I hope they know how much love I am putting into it. I want it to reflect the love I feel from them by their support and understanding. Puke, right? Well sometimes that's just the way it is, so whhheeeee the other way if you can't take it. Whhheeeee for my girls!!
I finally got to clean today for the first time in longer than I can admit. But my house smells nice and the laundry is (finally) finished for another 2 days and now I can goof off tomorrow if I want to and not feel bad. The past few weeks I felt bad and worse because I was too sick/lazy to clean. I love that honey just doesn't care. He lets me slack if need be. Boys can't see their messes most of the time, but that comes in handy because they usually can't see other messes either :) My step-father bought howit princess soup when she wasn't well, and that touched my soul to no end. I emailed him a thank you and he said it was the best love letter he's ever received. I know it sounds weird to say that, but I just let my gushiness fly and I have the gift of word sometimes. He felt the love as much as I did, and that's all I really wanted. He loves howit sooooooo much, and he should know it's appreciated. People don't appreciate things they way they ought to anymore. I'm just trying to do my best to break the cycle. Whhheeeee for MOD (my other dad).
Howit has been testing the waters lately and I have officially declared we are so up a creek. That girl will keep us on our toes till she is out of the house. She is the best and we love her dearly, but she is soooooo quick and sharp and seems to have gotten my memory. (those who don't know me-it's very good) It takes a village to raise a child, and I got mine and thank the lord for them. We will need to come together as a tribe to do this. We will be each others best resource when it comes to nurturing her growth, and mind and abilities. By that I mean she will take us down one by one if we dont' band together and stand our ground! lol She is already trying to pit honey and I against each other, but luckily for us and not for her we've been together long enough that we know what the other would do even if the other isn't present. We have also learned the phrases "let me think about it" and "I'll talk to your mom/dad about it" Score Whhheeeee for the parents!
Regina Phalange has been away for awhile and I can't wait to see her again. She is my other half at work and I miss her dearly. There is so much to share about the gossip (you all do it so don't judge me) at work and the personal stuff too. I have been spending more time with banana and she is great. She gets me in a lot of ways. We have differing opinions on many things, but part of that is generational and part of that is personality. She raised her girls in many of the same ways I was raised-people had different views on life then. But it's like having some of the best of my mom at work-gotta love that. Ladidadi is just the little sister I never had. I've never had a friend so much younger than me, but she is a great fit for our office. And for our circle, so WHHHEEEEE.
Many more things are swirling but I think that's enough for now. I've whhheeeee'd enough for today. Thanks for stopping by-this is for you...WHHHEEEEE

Job whhheeeee

It's been a whirlwind of a few weeks. Sooooooooooooooooooo much has changed at my job it's quite scary. I've never had a job change so much in such a short time. Serving tables is serving tables and if you have only excellence in mind, then it doesn't matter where you are serving at. Changing computer systems and entire pratice management policies in less than a month is crazy. Serving the public still is serving the public-you still smile and treat ALL with respect and kindness. But the technical aspect is so different. I know it will get better and someday someone will figure out exactly what we need this program to do so it fits us the best, but daily memos of 'do this instead' is so daunting. What did I do wrong now? I hate that feeling. I liked knowing my job in and out and doing it well. I guess I'm afraid there will always be something I'm doing wrong. I don't want to cost anybody money. I don't want to cause anyone frustration. I don't want to confuse anybody. I also like the challenge-I just want to know I'm going to win the challenge :) I work so hard and truth be told, I've done a lot of it off the clock just to stay ahead. My girls at work are absolutely amazing and I can't wait to thank them. They decided a lunch made by me and so now I am working on completing the menu. We won't all be together again until March, but that gives me time to do my very best. They are so totally supportive of me and always listening to me gripe when things are rough. And they pitch in and help in the most amazing ways. I am the luckiest girl which is what I tell myself when I get superfrustrated. (yes I meant that as one word!) I've been coasting for awhile at my job and it's good to get rattled every once and a while. I know this change is going to last-the transition period that is-for quite sometime and I need to buckle down for the long haul. I like to go fast and sometimes I need to remember to stop and see the big picture for all the small pictures that are in it. I have a major responsibility on my hands and I need to meet it. I also need to let it go when I'm at home. I just like to play scenarios in my head and think of how I can do better next time I am there. I also need to to better here. Life....WHHHEEEEE

WHHHEEEEE for D

It's been way too long and I am so bummed out. Our computer was receiving a makeover and therefore I had no access to my blog-the horror! This is my first time alone on the computer in 3 days and I am so glad to be back.
This date in my history is very significant. It's a special anniversary of sorts and I need to pause and reflect upon what this day has brought me over the years. I made the most special friend of my life on this date and I will never forget it because it literally saved my life. No, I did not meet honey on this date. He is of course my best friend. This friend I made put me on the path to meeting honey. This friend put me on the path to being who I am today. I have so many fabulous memories of this friend and the times we have shared that I smile every time one pops in my head. We loved, we lost, we laughed, we cried, we shared, we stood by each other in our darkest times. I am still friends with this person. I dearly pray I never lose contact with this person. We are not as close as I thought we always would be. Teenagers have no clue what life is really like. I think there were times we thought absolutely nothing would ever keep us apart. We grew up, we matured, we got married and had kids, we moved, but life has led us to each other again in a simpler fashion. I know I can tell this person anything. I can tell lots of people lots of things and I have many special things only a few people know. Of course honey knows it all, but when I need perspective from someone who once loved me dearly, but now only as a close friend, I can turn to this person. Our friendship has stood the test of time and everything else. We have never uttered a cross word to one another (so very rare indeed). I have never had an ill thought of this person. We both just want the best for each other. Of course honey and I want that for each other as well, but when you live with someone and share a life with them, you are bound to disagree somewhere down the line. (And I would never wish any ill to my honey, but boys can just be boys and girls have their moments and 'nuff said!) I guess it's just been awhile since I properly honored this day in my history and sometimes things need to be honored. I feel the need to pay respect to the person who saved me from myself and the evils in my life. I need to pay respect to the person who made me want to be a better person. D, I salute you and I honor our very special friendship. WHHHEEEEE to you, and I hope to have at least another 17 years :)

WHHHEEEEE for all

Work week is over and I survived. My brain is officially mush, but my body is on its way there so we're good. Supergramma has taken howit for the weekend, and not a moment too soon. I had big plans for the weekend, but they crashed and burned about 10 days ago, but Supergramma still wanted howit, so I asked honey and bribed him with dinner out for just ADULTS and he bit. Then he wanted to visit BRO while I was at work Friday. If Supergramma was going to watch her Friday, why not just make it a weekend visit, cause I'm not getting up early to drive her out there Saturday (original plan) when she is right there Friday. Honey has a hard time letting howit go overnnight. TOTALLY his deal, no one has given him reason to be distrustful-he just likes having howit at home at night. Sometimes the lady needs a break. Sometimes it's nice not to hear a little voice when the sun pops out in the morning. I love my howit with all my heart, but I need to not have to physically care for another human right now. Work stole it all and I need to replenish. Luckily he wanted something from the weekend too so I got what I needed. I love when a plan comes together :) So I started laundry, am waiting for coffee to drip, and am in my therapy session as we speak.
We are supposed to go to the drive in tonight cause when honey got his schedule, by some miracle he got Sunday off. We can stay out late-dinner and a movie it is! WOOT! If we don't make it (that happens a lot) that's ok too, but I'm hoping he'll come home and rest or something so we can really enjoy the evening.
I've been trying to figure out a way to not break the bank, but thank my awsome co-workers. Banana, Regina Phalange, Ladidadi and one we'll call Baby girl have been amazing. Regina stayed late with me last night to finish some time consuming work. It's very simple, just totally time consuming. They have all been there for me and supported me and picked up the slack and did countless good deeds this past week. I think I figured a way to say thanks, even though I literally want to hand them each $100! They keep telling me to stop and they don't mind and I won't feel better till I say thank you properly. I know a few of them read this, so I can't divulge my plan, but having one is good. But another huge WHHHEEEEE to them for being so fantastic. And my boss confirmed that my worst nightmare won't come true, so WHHHEEEEE to her, too! I see my boss maybe once a month? She is always reachable and approachable and she just needs to be where more action is. I'm running things just fine, and with the change happening there are busier places she needs to be. Five offices, 1 person-I'm glad our office is small enough to be left alone. She told me awhile ago she wouldn't be out for awhile-she'll be putting out fires elsewhere. Fine with me, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'm glad she trusts me and that a simple phone call to check in is all we need at this point. It gives me more confidence that I'm handling this ok and that helps, too. My worst nightmare is to have a person come to help me. I've had a front co-worker before. It ended badly and I don't want the help. I got it. There is nowhere for that person to work. They decreased the amount of computers I can have so I'm not being EVIL, it's true. No one likes said person and don't give her to me. My boss said that will not happen. Said person fills in on my day off and my key player co-workers are trying to figure out a way for me to work that day too. It's good to be loved. It's also good to know your limits and set boundaries and STICK TO THEM!!!!!!! Especially at work.
I also went to the doctors on Wednesday and I've never felt more cared about. My doc rocks and I love her. Not crazy stalker love, just totally appreciative of the fact someone gets it, understands me and my crazy problem, and wants to get me better. Cure isn't an option at this point, but living better is and she wants that for me. She went above and beyond and even if this doesn't work, it's amazing to me how hard she is trying. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun when you don't fit the medical paramiters (sp?) The problem with my problem is that you have to go so S L O W. It would make the lady nuts if it weren't so totally obvious this doc is using every resource to get me to live with this better. It helps that I am a patient patient, but it's easier to do when you feel like someone is in your cheering section. I could go on for hours about my doc, but to put it simply, she ROCKS. Triple WHHHEEEEE to her.
It's been quite a week for the lady, but it's always nice to end on a good WHHHEEEEE.

Day off WHHHEEEEE

I love having Wednesday's off. Work 2, off one, work a day and a half, off 2 more days-very sweet set-up and I couldn't be happier with my schedule. And if there is a Monday holiday-even sweeter. I can get stuff done-laundry, shopping, minor cleaning, love up my howit, sleep in (hahahhahaha), blog, make dr appts (like today)and just have a day to rest if needed. I need it. I'm doing laundry and I have to go to the bank before the dr, and howit is sick of my lovings for the moment and I got her involved in some creative alone time. The past two days of work have felt like at least four. Which isn't bad, but I felt like I worked 48 hours in a row all at once both days. I guess I'm too spoiled w/my schedule and I'm not asking for pity. It's good to be challenged at work. It's even great to learn something new. I'm excited about the change and it WILL be great...operative word being WILL. It's going to take time and I guess I feel insecure that I'm not doing all I should be doing, but I'm only 1 person. And I have done my best to figure out a way not to make the transition harder on the patient. I hate making people wait. I don't mind if I am waiting in a dr's office, but some people can't stand it, and I feel every person's time is important. I just wish there was a way to get more done without costing the company money or taking up my whole day. Oh well, I will just do the very best I can and it will get done eventually. I think I need to figure out the priorities and I would ask, but I don't think anyone knows yet. There are the obvious ones (get the money, get the insurance card, get them seen), but the new little details need a priority list. And I love to multi-task (it's in me-I am a woman, I am a wife, and I'm a mom) and I love to be efficient. And every office is different and I would like to figure it out on my own. I just need more time. Based on what had priority before, I am trying to get an idea from that. But there are about 10 or more extra steps to get a paitent in the system. Once they are in, it will be easier the next time, but the phone and more than one patient at a time, and one computer, and the doctors need help too. I have the best coworkers on the planet and the deserve mad props for being so fantastically wonderful. They support me in such amazing ways-they truly want me to succeed. I don't think I've ever felt such support, caring and appreciation from such a large number of people at once-there are 4 of them, but we are a great team. We are in sync and we know each others work habits so well, that we don't even need to speak sometimes and it gets done. I need to figure out a way to say thanks without spending the major scrillage I feel like spending. Any ideas? I do my best to be just as supportive, but they are truly amazing and I love them. Truly. I have never felt more blessed. If you're reading this, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I will return the favor when it's your turn. You all rock and are my rocks and I'm glad I have a day off to reflect, enjoy and to you I say...WHHHEEEEE

Shrek????

I did it I did it I did it! I got thru my first day on a new program at work. Was I nervous? More like terrified!!! I've been there for 4 years and now it's all new. And mine is the first job to change-the rest of the office will change in summer. And while the other offices have at least one other person to help and went to the training I did, in my office, it's just me. I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY, but it's a lot of pressure :) BUT I have the BESTIST coworkers who I've trained (lol) to answer the phone and we had a discussion on Friday that they would need to be on top of the phone because my focus would be the peeps in front of me. Not so much of a discussion, more of "You're doing this because you love me!" lol A person from the company is with me all week, but I'm proud to say I did all the physical work myself-he supported me, but I did every action alone. That's the best way to learn. I got home SUPEREXTRA late but that was on the boss, not me-so there! And the person from the company called me an "all-star"....so now the song is playing in my head, and I am reciting the words to Shrek in my head-that's how nuts I am....WHHHEEEEE
ps A WHHHEEEEE shout out to Regina Phalange, Banana and Ladidadi-you guys rock!

Getting it right

I am human, therefore I have made so many mistakes I can't even count that high. I don't just mean the simple mathematical mistake or oops forgot to pick up the milk. I mean soul changing mistakes. Would I do it differently if I could......I don't know. It's obvioulsly made me who I am today. Perfectionist with the little stuff-I really beat myself up over the little stuff and am trying to let it go. With the big, soul changing stuff, I give great pause to all that I do. This mainly comes in the form of my relationships. I want to write well on the humanity in my life. Is yelling obscenities at a certain person going to change things? NOPE. It might most definitely make me (or all of us) feel better. But I've learned to keep it in the circle of the WHHHEEEEE because if you can't say something nice to someone, say it to someone else :) Seriously, I did wrong to many in my early years and if we only get one go around, I want to get it right. I try to focus my energies where I know it will be enjoyed, used and/or reciprocated. Not that I expect anything in return. I just know that the people I choose to maintain a close relationship with will not take without planting a seed of joy, kindness, love or simple APPRECIATION in return. It is good to give freely of yourself. I've done it to a fault (literally). Take my advice-don't do it if you'll be left on empty permanently. Giving should bring you some measure of satisfaction somewhere. When it stops doing that even on a semi-regular basis GET OUT...RUN as fast as you can. There are some people you just can't get rid of-family member, co-worker etc., so you have to learn to make peace with it, and just avoid the closeness if at all possible. They try to suck you back in-go with your gut and RUN!!!! It's not worth it. You'll be left a shell and you should be fulfilled. You have a right to be happy at your own expense. But when the cost is too high, walk away (or run like the dickens!) It can be so hard to recognize, and it can be maddening to figure out. And letting go can be so painful. I know that I have let go to get it right and while it hurts for awhile (good memories tend to creep in) once time passes I know I've done the right thing for me in the long run.
As I said before, this is my form of therapy, and I am speaking to myself and there is so much more to getting it right, that this is most likely part one.....WHHHEEEEE

Not cool WHHHEEEEE

I just got off the phone with a collection agency. UGH! I/we owe nobody nothing outstanding (we have a mortgage that is in good standing and a revolving credit card balance-all accounts are up to date). The so-called friend who took me for over $17,000 (let's call 'friend' "THE VAN") had a boyfriend. Collection agency called looking for the van's boyfriend. And because I am of no relation to said boyfriend I have no legal access to the info they have-whereabouts, what they are calling for-nothing! I haven't spoken to the van in 4 years, 9 days (I last saw the van the day before I started my fabulous job) and by that time said boyfriend had been out of the picture for at least a year-so for at least 5 years I have not seen this man. They would tell me the city they have as his address and they told me mine is the only # they have for him. I know he 'bought' the van a HUGE big screen tv, but that was about 6 years ago. Here is the not cool WHHHEEEEE part: they said he listed my phone # THREE years ago!!!! I say WHHHEEEEE because my head is spinning and my heart is racing from being so ANGRY, FRUSTRATED, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHGHHHHHH!! I also know Karma is as Karma does (thank you Regina Phalange)and they'll catch him eventually, and peeps that live like that are not blessed. Not that I don't wish them blessings, but how can you let blessings come upon you when you are so mired down in deceit, theft, complete wrong doings? And my personal belief since I had this money taken, is that people who claim bankruptcy after taking so much are theives of the almost worst kind. People who try to hide from their debts like him are too. Claiming bankruptcy because the economy screwed you is a completely different matter, but if you go to a rent-to-own place, you obviously can't afford it anyway-why kid yourself? That's where he went to get the tv. Have they been trying to collect for 3 years? Did he use my info once they split? Did the van do it after they split? I checked my credit less than a year ago and it was all accurate (WHHHEEEEE), but you never know in this day and age what's happening. I check my bank accounts FAITHFULLY, every day, usually twice a day (I had my check card used before christmas 2 years ago on HSN-caught the guy, but still..)I am almost neurotic about monitoring my stuff to my best ability since all this happened to me. I was such a good friend (I thought)-the friendship was so good for so long (5+ years). It's so hard to trust people now. I hate that. My next post will probably be a 'Dear Van' letter-everything I want to say should our paths cross again. I told you I was using this as therapy-the therapist in my head is very proud of me-she thinks this is all very healthy. I decided it was a she-men just can't listen sometimes! Hahahahahaha...on that note:WHHHEEEEE :)

Food for thought

My first job was at 'Chez Denyais' (sounds better than Denny's, huh?) Anywho, I learned a lot of valuable lessons there that I think are the best foundation for anyone who plans on pursuing a career..ever...or speaking to humans...ever. Lesson #1:Perception is reality. It doesn't matter what YOU KNOW happened, how it should have happened, how it would normally happen..you get the idea...how the receiver perceives it, is how it happened for them, therefore that is how it happened. IF the givers and receivers in this world (i.e. EVERYONE) would remember that, maybe the world could take a giant chill pill and RELAX. Lesson #2: A smile goes a long way...and it's free. Lesson #3:Reflective listening...repeat back what you think you heard-we could all save a lot of miscommunication in our lives personally and professionally if this were a daily practice. Lesson #4: The customer is NOT always right (so there!!) Ok, that is my own, they really don't teach that, but it is soooooooooooooooooo true. But it kinda goes back to lesson #1. Final lesson for the day (I reserve the right to expound upon this as needed) and honestly, I learn this over and over in every job Lesson #5: You can't fix stupid. There, I said it and you know it's true. Think about it...WHHHEEEEE

Blessings

I consider myself blessed. Blessings pop up in the most unusual and/or unlikely places at times and it can take awhile to notice them. Sometimes you know you have been blessed the instant it happens. I have been blessed by every key player I have mentioned above, many times over and over. I am blessed to have a family, a job, transportation, friends, common sense...the list goes on and is in no particular order. But I also know I'm blessed to have epilepsy. I would not be who I am today without it. I'd most likely still be waiting tables-not that there is anything wrong with that. But I wouldn't have met some of the people I have come to call key players without it. I would not be utilizing my skills in a more professional manner without it. Sometimes life blesses you to force you to do things you might have been otherwise to afraid to do. I found myself going along very comfortable in my life until BAM..I just couldn't (still can't) stop falling down-not so great for a waitress. I am blessed to have been royally screwed over at such a young age. I recognize the signs in others and myself when it starts to happen almost instantly and can prevent it from happening again. I also am blessed that I was able to catch it early enough to not let it follow me forever or irreversibly affect my credit. I can also use my knowledge to help others, including my precious howit, when the time is right. I am blessed that I gave as much of myself as I could when I was able. And these are just a few of the blessings that are affecting me right now. Throughout my life I have been blessed, but now I am just able to vocalize it and recognize it. A lot of people ask 'why me?' when they are 'struck down'. Why not? I don't believe I have figured out all the reasons I now have epilepsy, but I can at least see the blessings it has afforded me, and who knows-there may be more to come. WHHHEEEEE.

Many forms of WHHHEEEEE

Some people have lightbulb moments or aha moments. I have WHHHEEEEE moments. They come at random times and sometimes I know they are approaching and other times they hit me out of the blue. I will tell you now that I choose at this point in my life not to afford therapy, therefore I am choosing to blog. It is my journal of sorts. I hope that some will laugh, or at least relate. If nothing else it's my place to vent, hopefully without too much judgement. I welcome comments, positive or negative I guess we all have opinions about something. Just to know someone out there is reading this is kinda cool.
This is in no particular order, and I reserve the right to add to, combine or delete the list as I see it changing. As of this moment the many forms of WHHHEEEEE include:
1. DRUGS...prescribed by a doctor, of course, but if not taken a VERY specific way, I can be WHHHEEEEEing all the way home (or at least for an hour) My head spins so fast, but I feel like I am moving so slow and I have to move with purpose or I will get it wrong-whatever I have do to in that moment. At times it feels dangerous, at times it's a blast. The drugs are for the epilepsy and I am on 3-I have tried and failed 7-9 of them... WHHHEEEEE
2. WORK...Before the epilespy arrived, I was a waitress for 11 years and a freakin' great one at that. In order, Denny's, Peppermill and Hungry Hunter. (Yes, I classed it up a bit as I got older) Time flew durning my shifts as fast as I did....WHHHEEEEE. I work in a slightly less fast paced environment now, but when we're hopping...WHHHEEEEE.
3. THREE YEAR OLD...life through a child's eyes is amazing and fun and is going so fast, I'm just trying to enjoy the ride. She is going to give us a run for our money...WHHHEEEEE.
4. LOVE...I've been with my honey for approaching 15 years (almost married for 9) Those of you in relationships must know what I mean when I say 'time flies when you're having fun'...WHHHEEEEE.
5. SEX...'nuff said...WHHHEEEEE.
6. FAMILY...outside the one in my home-siblings, parents, in-laws-etc,you get it...'nuff said...WHHHEEEEE.
7. FRIENDS...I have this wonderful support system of old friends who knew me before the epilepsy, and the child, and new friends who have only known me this way. I am amazed they still want to be my friend. I have only gotten crazier or more needy. I was a complete giver before this. You needed me and I was there. Money, a couch, a meal, flowers to brighten your day, a phone call out of the blue, cards just because, a ride to BFE, chat in the middle of the night, a shoulder, advice, video taping in the delivery room. Whatever, whenever, I was your girl...Then I got royally screwed (to the tune of over $17,000) by a so called friend. Then the epilepsy. I couldn't work for 18 months because the docs didn't know what it was. Then I got the best job ever. And I made friends there (regina phalange, banana, ladidadi). And some of the old ones (ross, BRO) stuck around. I needed the help then. Advice, a shoulder, a meal, a card, a ride, and they were there for me. What goes around comes around (huge believer in karma right here!) and I do my best to not feel guilty for needing so much help. I still give it when I can, just in a different way, and it's hard sometimes to figure out what that way is. You can't pay your bills? Hold on lady, you will not get that back. How about lunch instead? Better.-It's taken me a long time to realize they will like me if I can't solve all their problems-if I'm just there for them when they need me like they are there for me. I certainly don't expect my friends to cure me, raise my child, I love them for being them. Some of my new friends and I feel certain ways about a certain person/situation. If I could give details, you would too. We've tried to feel and behave differently for over 3 years. Seperately, we've all gotten run down/screwed over by a person in the same way too many times. We're not taking it anymore. We've come to realize it's a lack of maturity that some people are destined to live without. That being said, we are on a slow ride down for our judgements and comments. It is our own cirlce of WHHHEEEEE and we simply can't (ok, choose not to) help ourselves anymore. We've gotten better, but figure lets go down in a blaze of glory because we are most certainly going down. We try to do better in every other aspect of our lives to balance things out. Time will tell if that works. We're all in it together...WHHHEEEEE.
I certainly am blessed to just write about all these things and have the ability to do so. As time goes on I will post about many of these things again. Next time will be about blessings, I think and I know a lot of it will overlap...WHHHEEEEE!

Ode to supergramma

I remember being a child/preteen/teenager and having my friends sleepover all the time and I could have as many as I wanted, pretty much whenever I wanted. I loved that. Tonight, I do the same for my howit. She is just shy of 3 and a half and already having her first sleepover. I hope (but not completely deluding myself) that she will remember this for many years. I hope at least the faint memory of this night will stay with her forever. MEL is her best friend (it was just reconfirmed a few minutes ago) and they are so delighted. Popcorn, m'n'm's, movies, dress up, tea parties, whispering, reading to each other, brushing each other's hair-I'm sure a pillow fight will break out soon! (do they know what that is yet?) I am overjoyed at their joy and I don't care when or where they sleep-that will come later. I want to lay the foundation of many sleepovers to come. So my first post is to honor supergramma, and for teaching me to be the best mom I can possibly be!